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Flying Squirrel
Flying Squirrels
The Great Laptop Quest
I was tidying up the attic the other day when I made an incredible and startling find. Inside an old suitcase, under a mouldy stack of Mojo magazines, I found a crumbling manuscript bound with a simple dressing gown cord and a few staples for good measure.
As I delicately unfolded the torn pages I made a brief scan of the Comic Sans text and realised something truly amazing - what I was holding in my hands was from the days of web 1.0! Dumbstruck with awe I carefully attempted to read the full document, but without the reassuring backlight of my Apple iPad the task was unbearably difficult.
With the help of a team of blind monks I have now successfully analysed the parchment and can reveal that it dates as far back as possibly 2009 and is the journal of a typical 21st Century chap, detailing his exploits as he tries to find a decent laptop. Working day and night I have successfully transcribed the fascinating journal onto my laptop and here, for the first time, I can bring you an exciting extract from this forgotten treasure:
Monday, Friday, January 18, 2008
Today is probably the unluckiest day of my life considering how awful it's been. Went to university in the gloom and rain, came home in the dark and rain. As I was crossing Westminster Bridge I thought I saw a hitman wielding a rabid King Penguin looming towards me through the mist. As I dived out the way I tripped over a swan nest and my laptop went flying over the side into the murky river water. Lying on the pavement, having just thrown two-year's worth of work into a watery grave, I looked up to see my would-be assailant was merely a friendly rabbit tamer in a cape carrying a banana ice cream sundae.
When I got home we were out of milk, must remember to buy some. Guess I'm going to have to spend my weekend getting a new laptop then. At least I had nothing else on.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
I was all set to leave the house and embark on a spot of laptop shopping this morning and was just studying the A to Z to find the best way to my local high street (I may have walked it hundreds of times, but you can never be sure) when I noticed a spelling mistake in the labelling of nearby Gary Barlow Close. Well, you can imagine my horror. I immediately realised that is was my duty to go through the entire atlas in search of errors, document them and send a stern letter to the publishers. At 1am I finished my task and returned to bed, there were only three mistakes, including the missing dot from an i in Little Littling Street, but I think the public will be eminently thankful for this correction.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Came exceedingly close to obtaining a new laptop today, I made it to the shopping centre and everything. Unfortunately by that time I was bleeding quite seriously from the bites round my elbow from the badger I'd annoyed when I accidentally stood on it's tail whilst hiding in the bushes from a particularly aggressive squirrel. Also, the shop was closed. Went back to bed after a brief visit to the hospital.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Went online and bought a laptop, LCD TV and extra laptop memory from Ebuyer.
An extraordinary tale, I think you'll agree. I'm off to a museum now which has expressed interest in the document as part of an exhibition on life before web two point oh.
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